5 Reasons Why Women Have All the Power
(And Don’t Even Know It)

Women have all the power, more power than You can imagine. Since puberty, we men have made 95% of our decisions based on the wishes of the holders of the Double X Chromosome. How we dress, act, walk, talk, move, groove, work, jerk, excel, tell, joke, laugh, compete, and conquer relates to the golden pursuit…YOU.

You are what drive us, from age 14 to 102. Sure, men are driven by their work, but most men will also agree that their pursuit of work is directly related to their pursuit of women or providing for “The Woman” in their life. We have always found the ultimate gratification in life is to be able to provide for a woman (and our family). When we were hunters and gatherers, we would spend all day, sometimes two, traveling the area with spears in hand, hunting down the mighty game to literally bring home the bacon to your accepting hands. As Dr. Patricia Allen talks about in her book “The Truth About Men Will Set You Free,” we have thousands of years of history of male/female relations pumping through our DNA and if we stop to examine this history, we can find much success in the present day.

Let’s look into the TOP 5 Reasons Why Women Have All the Power and can use it to their benefit in the 21st dating world.


This one is the most obvious. As you know, a man’s sex organ is not in his pants but in his eyes. We are extremely visual. It is said that men are turned on through their eyes while women are turned on through their ears. Scientifically speaking, we men have an innate relationship with every aspect of your body, from the curve of your back, to the whiteness of your eyes, to the flowing of your hair. Chemicals charge our system when you do something as simple as run letting your fingers glide across your neck. Nature wants us to continue the human race and is constantly trying to be our best wing man in getting us to pursue you. But…alas, we 2011 men lack the confidence of our hunter and gatherer predecessors and the process does stall a bit.  (Check out my previous blog on 5 Ways to Let Nature Be A Girl’s Best Wingman for more info on just how to rock his world when you are out and about.)


Now this one is a little tricky, but it is part of our wiring to provide for you. As you know, from caveman to hunter/gatherer to the 1950’s, a man’s greatest accomplishment was to provide for and to protect his family. Most of his self esteem and gratification emanated from success in bringing home the food or the paycheck to his lady. But man is not the only one capable of providing and protecting. This point is even more powerful now.  Since a man’s ability to flex his providing muscle is not as necessary as it once was,  you can now drive him giddy by finding creative ways in to let him provide for you.


A bit of the same of To PROVIDE, but men find so much spring in their step when they feel like they can be your mighty shield. The truth is, though, that we currently don’t live in a medieval society where women are being taken for bounty and clubbed over the head. So, I turn to Dr. Pat Allen again who talks about the power of acting shy, reserved, and coy. Does this work? Yes, because a man feels the need to protect you even more. Must you put on a show of coyness and reservation? No. If that is not your style, there are several ways to elicit his protective nature. Even though you can protect yourself and take care of the situation, men will melt and feel an attachment to you when they feel like you adore their protection and presence; that they are your knight in shining armor.

#2 The Heart Center

All day long, men and women toil in the work force, a place of heady, logistical, and competitive behavior to find success. Much of this behavior comes from the left side of the brain which deals with decision making and taking action. After the work day is over, the right side of the brain that is full of the creative, compassionate, emotional and communal is allowed to come out and play. Women have a bit of an advantage here (actually a huge advantage) in that their brain has a much larger corpus callosum (basically, a bridge between the left and right side of the brain) that allows for a beautiful dance between both styles of functioning. We men: not so much. Our bridge is much smaller and, thus, we seek that opposing energy. Where can we find that completion and be OK to let down our guard to our right side of the brain? You guessed it…YOU. (Insert “You complete me.” line here). You women have an uncanny ability to access that right side and come from a more heart centered energy: full of compassion, presence, tenderness, and emotion. We men try, but we struggle on our own. However, you give us that ok and ability. We seek it in YOU, we love to be around it in you, and are blown away from your ability to come from both your head and heart center in a way that we can only imagine. You are a much more complex and capable. Remind yourself of this truth next time you are on the town, on a date, with your BF or husband. We adore you. You have the power. Flex it and be confident in that heart center.



This is the most powerful on this list. You can throw away this whole blog, but take this one in, because it’s big. Ever since we were primates on all fours, we men chased you around emitting mating calls, beefing up our chests, wrestling away the competition, and trying to prove our ALPHA status as the best provider and protector. However, all of this was in vein unless you signaled with an audible or physical OK of, “I approve.”

The same holds true today.  In a patriarchal society, this power has been reversed, and somehow the power remains in the man’s corner. Don’t believe the hype. I am telling you with all my heart, we men do not chose, you do, and we will do anything we can to get you all to chose us.

Now more than ever you still have that power. I don’t say this so you become aloof with men who take you out, but there are heck of a lot of men getting away with pretty childish behavior with women. I guarantee you that if you don’t allow that behavior to work, the men will change. Why? Because as much as our gallivanting around might seem like “playing” or “hunting,” it is futile unless the woman accepts the behavior. We try every trick in the book to get your attention. If you demand chivalry, we become knights. If you are OK with us having multiple girls on the side as we date you, then we will have our cake and eat it too. The higher you set the bar, the higher we will jump. We react to your approval of our behavior, because…YOU choose. If you want a gentleman, accept only gentleman like behavior.


See where I am getting at? You have all the power. Without you we have nothing. Call it genetics, chemistry, or human attraction, but we adore you and pretty much focus our life on the pursuit of you. Keep this in mind next time you are on a date and a negative thought comes across your mind in the form of, “Oh, I wonder if he likes me?”

Just be your awesome self and believe in your uncanny ability to be the better half of the human species. Ground yourself in this knowledge, and I think you will find that you will effortlessly charm him since he is the one who is trying to win you…not vice versa.

There is so much more to say, but if there is one message I could get across in a short blog: You Have More Power Than You Think. Use that as your mantra next time you walk in a room, on a date, or relax with your hubby. YOU HAVE THE POWER.

Have fun out there.

Seize the date,







  1. Genius.

    Comment by Lauren on August 10, 2012 at 3:34 pm

  2. Thank you. What a great, helpful article. It’s so true.

    It’s like ladies today don’t fully realize how much power they have over men. They feel like we’re constantly trying to keep them under their thumbs. But, today, they have us under their thumbs and they haven’t figured it out yet.

    But, men should still be willing to jump into action to protect his wife and family, if there is a crisis. Because anything is possible.

    However, since men are now bred to so sheepish, instead of the heroic, dominating knight in shining armor, they may look use that instinct to fight and kill. The whole family can suffer then. That’s terrific. “We called the cops, but it doesn’t matter now. The family is dead, because the man was hiding behind the wife.”

    Comment by Luke on October 30, 2012 at 7:36 pm

  3. Luke, I couldn’t agree more. We live in a Brave New World where both sexes are definitely coming in contact with their secondary energies. Men are getting more in touch with their feminine and women are finding more and more strength in their masculine. It is an interesting negotiation in the relationship world, since many women still want a man to step up, take the lead, and radiate a sense of the provider/protector. That radiation is very different than it was in the 50′s, but it is still a presence and an energy that most women find very attractive and comforting. However, the 21st Century man is being asked to be more emotional, too. The 21st Century woman is being asked to be more dominant in the work place. It is an interesting dance, and one that we need to be aware of when we are dating and in relationship. Sometimes, we need to keep the superman cape at the office or the metro-man mask at home.

    Comment by Christian on November 5, 2012 at 1:06 pm


  4. What this Article fails to mention, is that Women only have power until they are in their late 20′s to early 30′s. They age faster losing their physical attraction and losing the ability to have children much much faster. This naturally makes them less attractive.

    Around age 30, a mans sex drive drops. so men are not so ‘up for it all the time’ anymore. Making it much more difficult for women to get laid.

    Ultimately, the power falls back to the men.
    So don’t use your ‘power’ too harshly on men, as it will be their turn later on ;>

    Comment by TheTruth on January 30, 2013 at 8:41 pm

  5. This is total lies because no-man ever gets up to work for his family if they gave a crap about their families then why are there so many single mothers around with no man providing for them.
    Why do we have so many males noble prize winners they did not do all of that work for the sake of some woman.
    If men loved women so much then women would get the respect they deserve but that has yet to happen, Do you see men around you respecting women? I doubt it they are just thinking about sex all the time. Are you blatantly blind and deaf to all the hate and disrespect throw at women on a daily basis.
    Men are so well off in every field that they actually believe that women haven’t achieved much and you think they are doing all that work for the attention for a woman I don’t think so!! Most men blame women for everything and call virgins whores and rape stories are on the news nearly every week. Don’t tell me men care about women because the facts all say men only care about themselves and their own ambitions and accomplishments much more then they care about women and most men who made a difference left their wives e.g.Ghandi

    Comment by Not falling for this crap!! on April 24, 2013 at 12:39 pm

  6. I agree with this, however only if the man is interested in the women! If he is not this is not realistic!

    Comment by Frances moreau on May 4, 2013 at 7:48 pm

  7. Although some very interesting points, this article may allure many readers into a false sense of security. These rules may apply some of the time to a portion but not to everyone in all circumstances. My point is to be careful reading this somewhat sketchy stereotypical material.

    Comment by Matt on May 27, 2013 at 2:21 am

  8. ugh, white knight alert.

    Comment by feminizm rulez bro! on June 26, 2013 at 9:32 pm

  9. I am a rugged – handsome guy and I think it is real sad too see so many guys folding like a deck of cards form women. It is clear that women unfortunately have taken the lead in society, but I feel it is at fault of all the weak men that let them. Men (no matter what Cosmopolitan says will always be superior – especially dealing with physical strength). Women maybe equal in every other category, but that which will always make us superior. Too many guys fall into the mold where they wine and dine and pay for these girls to go out while the girls smile and use you up and then spit you out and then go onto the next. Men need to stand up and be Men today!!

    Comment by RICHARD on July 7, 2013 at 6:45 pm

  10. Though generously told, and perhaps containing an undercurrent of truth for ‘some’, he certainly fails to give us men enough credit. There are many counter-arguments to his statements, and his general consensus that women have ‘all the power’ is complete nonsense. Countless inventions, works of literature and accomplishments of all kinds have come about without any expectation of reward by a woman (or anyone else for that matter), or undertaken on the account of one. Many of our accomplishments, from building a “Hadron Collider” or “Nuclear-powered Aircraft Carrier, to setting world records on an olympic track, stems from an innate competitiveness between our fellow men, coupled with our human ingenuity. Indeed, having a woman nearby to provide encouragement, or a man’s sense of well-being when providing for her is a wonderful thing, but the author’s claim that it is the primary driving force
    of all of our lives is gravely misplaced.

    Comment by JP Perotin on July 15, 2013 at 7:04 pm

  11. As a female over 60 I am still gathering guys to chase after me, although they are becoming younger as I get older! I’m no looker in the currency of beauty pageants but as you were saying, guys don’t seem to care as long as they get the right signals and I am very understanding. I certainly don’t go looking (consciously), either online or in real life, but my love life is always improving! Also, as someone who can feel affection for several people and not desert one for another, everyone is pretty happy. Most guys seem to like me because I can talk happily about “guy topics” like how things work, how to fix things and how to solve interpersonal problems with other women. Anyway, it works for me and I’m sticking to it!

    Comment by Murfomurf on October 3, 2013 at 7:26 pm

  12. They do have all the power. But they also know it, that’s why they get away acting like complete a**holes – yes, I mean the girls! They shit test, the play games etc.
    It has been ca. half a year since I dropped the blue pill and, unfortunately, the red pill made me see things that made me not want to live any more. I am serious. The power that girls, especially pretty ones, have over me makes me suicidal. I feel utterly helpless and out of control. This world stinks and I now think life for both genders was perfectly fair when women where “suppressed” by the male gender in the old days.

    Comment by gewinnste on February 12, 2014 at 11:31 am

  13. Wow this discussion here is great… I love discussions like this! I think it is easy for men (and women) to fall into a trap by making these types of generalizations that one gender or the other holds all the power. I am a highly sexual guy age 37 — as I’ve aged I’ve actually become more sexual and my libido has increased. At times it has been very frustrating trying to get all my needs met and it was easy to blame women for playing games, withholding sex, and so on.

    Then I started to meet women (some around my age, some younger, some older) who complained about feeling sexually frustrated and like it was hard to get laid because all the guys that were down for sex were creepy, married, or both! Some of these women were VERY attractive and would have no problem going out to a bar and getting laid…. but they can’t because there are legitimate safety concerns and a lot of men will reject them out of hand if they seem too easy.

    It is an absurd double standard that women must face, particularly in the USA: on the one hand, every guy is trying to get in their pants. On the other hand, if they give it up too easily they get labeled a slut. Now add in the pressure that women face as they age — even an attractive woman over the age of 35 will receive FAR LESS attention than an average girl who is 25. Plenty males my age (37) will only date women in their 20s.

    As a 37 year old guy with reasonable social skills, I can sleep with girls who are 21, 31, or 41 while — despite the cougar movement — it is still far less common for a woman to have such a broad pool of eligible candidates.

    By the time they are in their 40s women start to feel desperate as the pool of eligible men has shrunk to a fraction of the size it was in their 20s. Most women I have dated in their 40s are willing to have sex on the first date or be friends-with-benefits.

    The picture gets even better when I have traveled to other countries — even countries that are rich like Denmark or Holland for example — where a stunning 21 year old women will not blink twice at the idea of going on a date with a man my age or older. Sex doesn’t seem to have quite the same taboo as it does here in the USA and so women don’t feel as stigmatized about sleeping with you on a first date. Females in their 30s and 40s will actively approach men in most other countries I’ve visited … the first few times it happened I was quite thrown, as I am rarely approached here in the US. One woman even propositioned me for sex when I was out shopping (no, she was not a hooker — just a lonely cougar in her late 30s.)

    So keep an open mind and remember that you can’t change the way that other people think or act — you can only change your own thoughts and actions!! It may sound simple, but once you internalize that little perl of wisdom you will be amazed at how different things can be than you originally thought!

    Comment by Eternal Optimist on February 18, 2014 at 3:09 pm

  14. Actually, women do not choose men. Men choose women and then women either accept or reject them. The ball is in the man’s court. The game is for a man to choose and for a woman to accept.

    You talk about men depending on women to approve of them while forgetting the irony that women depend on men to approach them in the first place. If a woman likes a man she depends on him 1) noticing her, 2) finding her attractive and 3) having the guts to approach her. However, if a man likes a woman all he has to do is approach her and hope she says yes. Basically, it’s much easier for a man to end up with the specific person he’s eyeing than it is for women given these roles.

    Men take control and pursue what they want. Hence women being told they should be empowered to do just that. I’ve never heard of a man being encouraged to be “empowered” by having the female role. This is why the male role is called “being a man” in the sense of pride and empowerment.

    Comment by Tom on April 22, 2014 at 12:21 pm

  15. I see that the writer is pandering to the women of the audience! What a nice job you have done! All the women love what you have written. I constantly wonder why people always want to have control and why some group of people needs to assert power over another. Power or control dictates that one group dominates and the other does as is told. This is NOT the case for dating as both genders have power/control when it comes to self-interest.

    Comment by Logic on May 6, 2014 at 4:42 pm

  16. Interesting discussion. My view is that men choose who they want; how they go about getting who they want is what determines the outcome. Always.

    Comment by Romanogallese on August 15, 2014 at 9:05 pm

  17. What a bunch of BS,sure for the guy who thinks with his “lower head” it’s true but for those of us who know better and are happier WITHOUT women in our lives(no we’re not gay-just evolved) messing it up and leaving us miserable & broke,it is very liberating.

    Comment by D.Jalbert on August 23, 2014 at 11:27 am

  18. You’re stating that it’s men that are driving what’s happening in society but that’s the small % of top men that a much greater % of women are trying to get. So yeah, the most attractive and appealing guys with status, looks, fame, money, charisma, game, whatever are cleaning up. But most guys are not having tons of women at their beck and call.

    For the average guy, it’s often hard for him to even get a woman that’s in his league to give him a chance.

    Also, I believe it’s more women in their 20′s postponing relationships and marriage more than men. There was a recent study that showed that young men had marriage as a higher priority than young women.

    It really is many of the young women (even if not a huge overall %) putting off serious relationships that is driving the market. Because when they do so then they just seek men that are fun or sexy. It’s also young women now earning more than young men but still preferring a man to earn as much or more than her. That means there’s a small pool of men to choose from. Young women are often way too picky about the type of man that she wants and there just aren’t enough of these amazing men to go around so some of these women end up single.
    Women in their 20s often have a vastly overrated sense of their value and think that male 8′s are in their league when the women are only 6′s or 7′s.

    You also have more young men that do want to play the field for a while. Most don’t have much success and learn they need a relationship if they want to have sex with someone they find more attractive than the women 2 pts lower that they might be able to have casual with. Most men are failures at pick-up. One PUA coach said that only 1/10 guys succeed at really learning the stuff. Women tend to focus on the most successful guys and then think all guys are like them and thus think that men can totally get sex whenever they want–not the reality for most men.

    Here’s an article about high-achieving young women (admittedly most women aren’t so ambitious) putting of relationships because they value all of these other things more:


    Men who date women for 5 years and don’t want to marry or cohabit for a long time basically don’t like/love the women they’re with enough. They’re just complacently settling for whom they can easily get for now. It really is the settle for the 5 now until I get a bit older and have gotten more career under my belt and more confident and then go out and find a 6 that he’d actually be happy to marry.

    All that the timing wasn’t right and so on is mostly BS. They just weren’t that into her.

    That’s the hardest lesson for women to learn, that they can get sex with men that don’t love them that much, that aren’t into them, that will even stick around for a steady supply of sex and companionship for a couple years, but these men don’t love them deeply and sure as hell never intend on marrying them (though complacently sliding into marriage or kids does often happen).

    Basically it’s quite hard to find a man who’s really into a woman and that the woman is really into. I think probably half of women are fairly hypergamous (meaning they only feel strong attraction and romantic love if they guy is of somewhat higher value or better) and these women are going to struggle because their minimum threshold is too high. The other half that aren’t hypergamous (or very much) can feel excited and deeply in love with an equal in some sense (or in rare cases a lesser man) and they are the ones that are more likely to find a really happy and loving marriage.

    Comment by Ali on August 23, 2014 at 9:34 pm

  19. Women are usually very mean and Stuck Up when many of us men will approach them.

    Comment by Seriously on September 12, 2014 at 7:06 am

  20. Thank you for saying all of this. I’ve had a lot of dominating men in my life who are abusive and who seem to think that women have a certain “place”, and they don’t have any appreciation for the opposite gender. As a result, I’ve found it difficult to show any trust or appreciation toward men who want to protect and provide for me, because I assume that they will abuse it, and that they really just want to control and hurt me.

    I guess what I’m saying is that it’s really great to see a man recognize a woman’s positive attributes. It gives me hope. As much as our society might idealize the unfeeling “macho man”, and as much as men who are truly kind might be under appreciated by the female gender at times, know that you’re incredibly important. Men like you help women see their worth when they can’t see it in themselves.

    And finally, for the men who are young and feel that it isn’t worth it to keep treating women well, know that one day they will grow to appreciate you. Just don’t let the light in your heart burn out. Take care.

    Comment by A Young Woman on January 2, 2015 at 6:13 pm

  21. I want to mention one other thing, mostly in reference to the commentator who said that men are still superior because of physically strength.

    I want to say that while men excel in this area, consider this: Women live longer, have more powerful senses, are generally the nurturers and caregivers which is essential for healthy children and adults, and they know how to read other people on an emotional level in ways that many men can’t.

    The only reason why physical strength makes a man “superior” is because men throughout history have chosen to define superiority in that way. If it was defined by other attributes, the tables could easily be turned around.

    And I’m not trying to say that women are the ones who are superior… Many men seem to be threatened by women today who want power. What they don’t seem to realize, however, is that while men often like to establish their dominance, women are typically more egalitarian. That means we’re not as likely to abuse our power or look at others as inferior.

    And to be honest, in a world where humans are capable of completely annihilating the planet and each other, maybe we NEED women in power so that we can find more peaceful solutions to problems which have been handled poorly through history in the past. Just a thought.

    Comment by A Young Woman on January 2, 2015 at 6:31 pm

  22. We men are so stupid. WE ARE FUCKING ENOUGH. Why should we do this and that in order to conquer them. Why don’t they make the effort to conquer us? The answer is simple: men are fucking STUPID. If we would SET the fucking standards and treat them as they treat us, the power would be equally given to men and women. A women has many options because men are idiots. Of course, if you tell a women that you’re not gonna chase her, that wouldn’t be a problem for her because she already has an entire army running after her. What we should change here is men’s mentality. STOP chasing them. We ALL should stop chasing. It’s not about having the power. It’s about playing fair. A hot woman can do whatever she wants because men will accept every kind of behaviour, because she’s hot, meanwhile a dude must be careful with what he says or does just to keep her interested (unless he’s famous). IS THAT FAIR? I don’t hate women but their stupid childish illogical emotional shitty behaviour. And YES. I admit I must play all sort of games, do a lot of demonstrations of High Value Pua Shit in order to get laid and trick them to think that I could be a good option amongst all the dudes hitting on them, just because I’m not a famous person. The solution is SO FUCKIN UTOPICAL that even surviving to a black hole would be easier compared to this. We all should stop chasing them forever. I wish all men could be assexual for a week and see what happens. But that’s fiction guys…

    Comment by Gabriel on March 20, 2015 at 11:03 am

  23. Oh please. Being a spineless jellyfish to a woman will only get you the wrong kind. It is equal. Power in relationships is equal. Because a man will only stick around if he is happy with the dynamic, and the women will leave if the man does not please her. A woman’s power in a relationship is allowed by the man, because he likes her and wants her to be happy. Also, most men do not worry about small, trivial things like where we eat, or what color the walls should be. I am a man who commands respect from men and women. I am a married father of five, and have never had any problem getting women with this attitude. I raise my sons in the same manner. Not to “chase” women, or cowtow to them in the hopes of pleasing them, but getting to know them and if they are someone who they wish to be with, showing the woman they can be good, responsible men. But I never teach them to let anyone be disrespectful to them. And I would never tell them that anyone
    “has the power” or “calls the shots”. After all, its a relationship, not slavery.

    Comment by Marcel7 on May 24, 2015 at 3:25 pm

  24. I have to disagree with thei entire premise of this article. As a father of 3 beautiful children with children of their own now, I can say we live in a new time and paradigm. I was married for 9 years, over 30 years ago. Because I was military during that time, I now have younger men asking how it is that I’ve paid approximately $400K (and counting), while she pays me nothing; $0 per month. I fit into that special category of men who have been saddled with federally mandated life time alimony. I have a spotless child support record and never missed an alimony payment – even the months and years I was unemployed from the nonsense that caused our break up in the first place. Never again, will ANY woman gain access to my resources, for ANY reason. I’m not bitter. Just Smarter. I’m 58 years old and have evolved. I MIGHT let a woman think her poon is so golden that I’ll fall and do anything for it. I won’t. I’m going my own way.

    Comment by michael on July 21, 2015 at 12:33 pm

  25. yes men have all the power..sort of. In this world it’s the opposite of what you assume. men think women or pretty women have all the power, and also men have the power to TAKE away the power they feel someone has. so beautiful women with power will be abused oppressed and put down, so now the man has the power. Men want all the power. They only GIVE it to women they feel ARENT powerful and in that case, the male still has the power–they want it all. If a woman is controlling a man its b/c he’s allownig it to happen. he wants to be a beta. that same dumb beta when encountered with a woman WITH POWER will immediately turn into a psychopathic ALPHA and take control. There are no such things as betas or alphas. All men are alphas the betas are just pretending to be betas. They will take power or control if they feel someone else REALLY has it over them…

    as a beautiful woman, no man gives me ANY power they take it from me and turn into aggressive alphas dominating and abusing me. so in the end the men do have all the power…

    Comment by jenn on September 8, 2015 at 5:37 pm

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